Welcome, welcome, welcome to Last Week Tonight.
Im John Oliver, thank you so much for joining us. It has been a busy week.
A Texas judge moved to suspend FDA approval
of a key drug for medication abortions,
a rich white man suffered the beginning of a potential consequence,
and WWE sold a controlling stake in itself,
a decision that Vince McMahon went on CNBC to explain.
You are the WWE, and the WWE is you. So, why?
It-its the right time. Its the right time to do the right thing.
Okay, I am so glad that he is saying nothing there,
because I am exclusively interested in what is happening on his face.
If you have never seen Vince McMahon before, dont worry, you still havent.
Because this is what hes looked like for the last 30 years or so,
whereas this is clearly an AI-generated response to the prompt snake tycoon.
Look, sadly, I cant devote the rest of this show to talking about
the decisions on display here, so Ill just devote 30 more seconds to it.
He looks like the answer to the question,
What if Salvador Dali chose to live without imagination?
He looks like hes about to challenge someone to a balloon race
around the world.
He looks like Vincent Price having an allergic reaction
to being stung by bees.
He looks like a circus owner from the 1930s
who harasses the dancers, mistreats the animals for fun,
and is eventually murdered by a lion while the whole town cheers.
And sadly, that is my time.
And the reason that we cannot talk more about this mans face
is that we need to discuss the events in Tennessee.
After last weeks mass shooting at Covenant School,
young activists have been at the state Capitol
protesting the lack of response from the legislature,
while engaging in some catchy chants concerning Governor Bill Lee.
Fuck Bill Lee! Fuck Bill Lee! Fuck Bill Lee! Fuck Bill Lee!
Look, you can try and get clever with it, but at the end of the day,
theres just nothing like a chant that goes fuck,
And then the name of the person that youre mad at.
Its short, its sweet, its to the point, its Fuck Bill Lee.
And that anger is totally justified,
as the response from Lee and his fellow Republicans
has been deeply underwhelming.
Here is one representative arguing to young peoples faces
that it would be pointless be to ban AR-15s.
Youre not gonna like my answer, and look, Im gonna say that straight up.
Its not about this one gun.
If there is a firearm out there that youre comfortable being shot with,
please show me which one it is.
I mean, that is a hall-of-fame shitty response,
but also, if your opener is, Youre not gonna like my answer,
maybe start thinking of some better ones.
And for the record, I dont want to be shot by any guns.
I dont even want to get shot by a Nerf gun.
And not because they sting my paper bones-which they do-
but just based on the fact that this is Murph, Nerfs actual mascot,
and Im pretty sure that every Nerf dart
is one of the many penises that make up Murphs nude body.
Some protesters actually made their way into the House gallery last week,
and three state representatives
took to the floor to voice their support for them.
That, in turn, led to Republicans introducing resolutions
to expel those lawmakers,
which the House speaker supported after claiming they were inciting violence.
Although, when pressed for proof of that, he didnt have much to offer.
Theres no doubt they were disruptive,
but whats the evidence that they were trying to incite violence?
Well, they were trying to jazz people up.
- When we have representatives- - But, incite violence.
When we had representatives trying to go to the restroom, they got spit on.
Do you have any evidence that these three members
were encouraging protesters to spit on members or troopers?
I mean, you cant prove that.
Oh, okay. So, you cant prove they were inciting violence,
but in the interest of safety, you feel you have a responsibility
to take their dangerous platform away from them.
But if instead of megaphones, they had, say,
something that can fire 100 rounds in a matter of minutes, then, sadly,
its literally impossible to do anything to prevent that
because we asked the prematurely embalmed mayor of Whoville
and he said no.
Also, to the extent that this is about decorum,
its worth knowing, the legislature has apparently seen far worse behavior.
As Gloria Johnson, one of the lawmakers threatened with expulsion, pointed out,
We had a child molester on the floor for years,
they helped him get reelected and did nothing to expel him,
Weve had members pee in each others chairs,
Weve had members prescribe drugs to their cousin-mistress,
and nothing happened. And sorry-cousin-mistress?
Do you know how crazy a list of allegations has to be
for someone to go, There was that child molester for years,
but honestly dont even bother writing that down because wait until you hear
about the next couple of things that Im about to say.
The House voted on whether to expel the three members on Thursday,
and there was a pattern to the results that was pretty hard to miss.
The GOP-controlled House voting Thursday to oust State Representatives
Justin Jones and Justin Pearson,
while a motion to expel Representative Gloria Johnson
narrowly failed by just one vote.
When asked why she was spared, Johnson saying this.
It might have to do with the color of our skin.
But state House Republicans denying that claim.
Our members literally didnt look at the ethnicity of the members
that were up for expulsion.
Okay. Now, legally, I cant say that guy is lying,
which is why its going to be an interesting day for our lawyers
tomorrow when they find out I said that guy is definitely lying.
We literally dont even see color
is the universal tell for people who spend all day thinking
about how theyd like to see less color.
Now, fortunately, Pearson and Jones could be re-appointed fairly soon,
or re-elected down the road. And while Republicans claimed, gallingly,
that this was to teach them a lesson about grandstanding,
Pearson wanted to make it clear exactly why this escalated in the first place.
I dont personally want attention.
What I want is attention on the issue of gun violence.
But instead, were here with the resolution you put up,
talking about expelling me
for advocating for ending gun violence in the state of Tennessee.
Exactly. And it is not a great sign for Tennessee
when they punish the ones speaking out against gun violence,
while keeping the ones who ask,
Which gun would you be comfortable being shot with?
Look, there are pretty clearly two big issues going on here,
racism and gun violence-which, incidentally,
will in all likelihood be the name of the next Kid Rock album.
And Tennessee lawmakers can continue to brush both of those issues aside,
saying, Guns arent the problem, or, We dont see color.
But the young people of Tennessee are making it very clear
they are sick of waiting, and that change is long overdue.
Or if I may put that in the words of this Sega Genesis video game villain.
Its the right time to do the right thing.
Thank you, French Dracula-I couldnt have said it better myself.
And now, this.
And now.
Its Easter, The Most Terrifying Time of the Year.
It is almost time to meet the Easter Bunny. Are you ready?
Sometimes the Easter Bunny is a little scary animal.
I saw one at the mall the other day
and I was like, eh, I wouldnt sit-Im not doing that.
I always thought the Easter Bunny was creepy.
- Yeah, a little. - Yeah, I agree.
Santa I can deal with.
I have yet to see a really cute Easter Bunny.
Not a cute Easter Bunny there. Its kind of scary.
They have a creepy effect.
I was scared a little bit of the Easter Bunny as a kid.
If the eyes are dead up there, no thanks.
Youre taking about a six-foot-tall-
I was just gonna say, the visual of a bunny.
Gigantic bunny. Does anyone like that?
Cute bunny.
Terrifying bunny.
Cute bunny.
Nightmare bunny.
So many of the tiny-little ones were afraid of the big bunny.
Many encounters with the Easter Bunny
provide children with their first intimate understanding of the concept
of fight or flight.
Moving on. Our main story tonight concerns homeownership.
So, if you are under 35, honestly, this story isnt for you.
Itll never be for you. You will never own a home.
Sorry, that is the deal that you made when you decided to be born after 1988.
But we didnt want you to feel left out, so weve actually prepared
a full, alternative story for you tonight about Chuck E. Cheese,
a different crumbling American institution
that you should go watch now instead.
This is real. It is 25 minutes long,
and you can find it at Last-Squeak-Tonight-dot-com.
Please go do that now because there is genuinely nothing for you to see here.
Okay,
for everyone who remains, this story is about HOAs,
which stands for homeowners associations.
Not, as you mightve thought, Horse on Adderall,
which I believe is the potential sequel to Cocaine Bear.
HOAs-also sometimes known as community associations,
are entities set up to govern groups of homes,
like a suburban neighborhood developments or condos-
and often make local news as the villains in stories like this.
Its a simple story of a man with some simple needs.
Sit down and have his little chips and a soda if he wants,
and say hello to some people.
Tanyas talking about her neighbor Ted.
Ill be 92 in September.
And the bench outside his door.
I have a place I like to come out here and sit and relax.
Notices from his HOA, the Bethany Villa Association, saying simply,
Remove your bench from the common area, or it will be removed.
The man deserves a place to rest and enjoy nature
and eat his little snacks
and say hello to people and pet puppies.
Yeah! Let that man have his fucking bench!
He deserves to eat snacks and pet puppies!
Which is, by the way, the single greatest way you could spend a day.
Nothing tops that. If on the day that your baby was born,
a friend came and told you that they spent the afternoon
eating snacks and petting puppies, they had a better day than you did.
The miracle of life cant compete with the simple joy of munchin snacks
and scratchin backs.
Nom, nom, nom, nom, nom-and this is true-a rub, rub.
Also, quick shoutout to Tanya there,
the neighbor billed by that local station as simply,
Neighbor and Ted Fan.
She may be a Ted fan, but I, for one, am a Tanya fan,
because I see the effort that it takes to put on a full face
first thing in the morning and go on the news, just to say,
Stop fucking with Ted!
But that is not a one-off. Stories of HOAs being petty are legion.
A valley homeowner says her HOA wants to fine her
because she installed artificial grass.
A homeowners association told one San Antonio family
their holiday decorations are up too early, so theyve gotta come down.
I got lots and lots of letters from the HOA
telling me to stop feeding the ducks.
I mean, when you receive a violation for a tree not being tree-shaped,
it boggles your mind.
Yeah, of course, it does. Because what does not tree-shaped even mean?
If it has branches, bark, and a place for a squirrel to store some nuts
and get some fucks, its a tree. Its tree-shaped, by definition.
The fact is, a lot of people live in HOAs-
29% of the U.S. population lives in a community association.
And its actually increasingly hard to find a home that doesnt come with one.
As of all the new single-family homes sold in 2021,
82% were in an HOA.
Thats up from around just 40% in 1990. Which is pretty remarkable,
given that, when one local station asked viewers how they felt about HOA,
the results were nearly universally negative, with one notable exception.
This was a rare comment. I like our HOA. I guess Im the lucky one?
But it was quickly followed with, Don't count yourself lucky too soon.
Every HOA is just one vote away from hellish nightmares.
Wow.
One vote away from hellish nightmares is a pretty intense comment.
Its also, incidentally,
the DNCs sole campaign message for the last two elections.
So, if they are this widely used, and this widely loathed, tonight,
lets look at HOAs-what they are, what purpose they serve,
and the surprising powers they have to wreak havoc in peoples lives.
And lets start with the basics, courtesy of this old explainer video.
Just what is a community association?
The association is a legal entity
created as a result of a planned community.
A board of directors is responsible for governing your association.
Working together with the board members and committee members
can ensure that your community will run smoothly and effectively.
After all, board members are owners, just like yourself.
Okay, you can really tell that video is from the 90s,
not just because its shot with a quality that can only be described as
after-school porno, but also because the board in question
is just three men and one woman that they all ignore.
In other words, almost every 90s sitcom.
The point is, HOAs are run by elected boards of your fellow homeowners.
And they require the payment of dues,
which average around two to $300 a month
but can be much more, depending on where you live.
And in return, the HOA covers upkeep of the common areas and amenities
in the neighborhood, like playgrounds or swimming pools.
They also, crucially,
enforce architectural and landscaping guidelines, like
no benches or trees must be tree-shaped,
which are often trying to push aesthetic uniformity
and preserve property values. You can find HOA rules like,
homes may display a maximum of two exterior decorative objects, or,
All garage doors must be painted Benjamin Moore Mayonnaise OC-85.
And one Arizona HOA required that
front yard landscaping must contain a minimum of one 36-inch box tree,
one 24-inch box tree, ten five-gallon shrubs, and ten one-gallon shrubs.
And I genuinely cant tell if those are HOA requirements
for taking care of your lawn or rules to Settlers of Catan.
And those rules arent just advisory, theyre enforced through fines.
And HOAs can be pretty unforgiving about handing them out.
Take a close look at Debra Blues Wake County home.
The color of her shutters had her facing
steep fines with her homeowners association.
They decided to fine me $25 a day.
Debra paid close to two grand in fines and took down her plum shutters.
Which was immediately met with a response that now
they were going to find me in violation of taking the shutters off the house
and start fining me again.
That is absurd. She got fined for the color of her shutters, took them down,
and then got in trouble for the absence of shutters.
Its one of those situations where no matter what you do you lose,
sort of like going on The Voice.
Sure, there are technically winners, but name a single one.
This show has been on for a conservative 50 years
and not a single winner is a household name.
Seriously, tell me the first and last name of just one winner. You cant.
No one can. Not even honky-tonk Frankenstein can do it.
And some HOAs can be surprisingly aggressive
about actively seeking out rule violators, as this man discovered.
Three years after buying this property,
the Henrys received a letter from their homeowners' association.
Saying that they were doing an audit
and they noticed that I had a shed in my backyard,
and it wasn't approved by my homeowners' association.
Gavin, who is a disabled veteran, told the HOA the shed was there
before he bought the property and none of his neighbors have ever complained.
Since you can't see the shed from the front yard
and no one came knocking at the Henrys' front door,
they asked their homeowners association
how they were able to perform an audit.
That's when they were told over the phone that
Google Maps was used to scope out their backyard.
Yeah, they spied on him with Google Maps. Which feels extreme.
If you're relying on the achievements of the space program
to find out what is in someone's backyard,
it's probably not your business.
And if you're wondering how HOAs get the authority to do all of this,
the answer is, they're basically born with it.
HOAs are typically created by developers
when they build a new neighborhood.
They write the HOA into deed restrictions,
with membership automatic upon purchasing your home.
And they're set up as not-for-profit private corporations
that can often function like a local government.
Some HOAs handle street paving, snow plowing, lighting,
and run private sewer and water systems.
And others even dabble in traffic enforcement.
In the Parkview Community in Spring Valley,
an HOA board email says they installed this-a speed camera.
They say more are coming.
Neighbor Ted Morris says what worries him and some other neighbors is
how much a violation will cost you for going slightly over 15 miles an hour.
The notice says it's 250 for the first ticket, $500 for the second,
$1,000 for the third, and any more violations for you and your guests.
$1,000 speeding tickets,
given out not by the city, but by the HOA!
Basically, the way HOAs work is,
they get to set the rules, and select the punishment for breaking them.
Think of it like Disney World.
When you walk into the mouse's house, you play by the mouse's rules,
and if you step out of line, Goofy is allowed to break your fucking knees.
And the existence of HOAs is something that many local governments appreciate.
Cash-strapped municipalities like them because developers build roads
and parks and pass the costs along to the homeowners.
In fact, many municipalities even mandate the creation of HOAs
in new residential developments.
Which might be why the rise of HOAs has been called
the most significant privatization of local government responsibilities
in recent times.
And that gets to an important point here,
because HOAs can have the authority of a government,
and collect fees and fines like one,
but when it comes to accountability, they can actively resist it,
in ways that government officials could only dream about.
After the residents of one HOA in Arizona
posted some social media comments about an upcoming board election,
the HOA demanded they remove posts that were critical of its board-
and threatened to fine them as much as $250 a day if they didn't.
And while they eventually walked that back,
that is a pretty striking level of hostility toward basic scrutiny,
even before you learn that this is how
one board member dealt with press inquiries as the story unfolded.
- I got to ask you-- - No comment.
- No, I'm sorry. Get away from me. - No, you've got a lot of--
Get away from me!
That's Valvista Lakes board director Todd McCoy
following a private board meeting tonight in Gilbert. After being shoved,
we reiterated to McCoy that the community was very upset.
To which, he replied...
I don't care about them right now.
Holy shit!
He came at that reporter with the fire of a thousand Mel Gibsons.
There is almost no scenario where
yelling get away from me that aggressively is called for,
aside from maybe bumping into Ezra Miller in Hawaii.
And at this point, you probably won't be surprised to learn that
private associations designed to have the force of law
in suburban neighborhoods,
have a history of being used to exclude certain groups.
As we discussed in our housing discrimination piece,
many neighborhoods had racial covenants
barring the sale of housing to Black Americans.
And in some cases, HOAs tried to enforce those covenants,
even after the Supreme Court ruled them unconstitutional.
But even today, there are cases where HOAs are used
to actively exclude certain types of residents.
Just last June,
the board of the Providence HOA in Denton County, Texas-
which oversees a community made up of 2,200 homes-
passed a rule that would ban renting a house
to anyone using a publicly financed or subsidized housing program,
such as Section eight. And the impacts of that were immediate.
Revisha Threat fears being homeless soon.
That's because the rules have changed
in their Providence Village subdivision.
I sit in my living room and cry cause I just don't know what to do.
Now that is terrible. But it's not just her-
that new rule threatened to displace more than 150 families
renting in the neighborhood,
with Black families making up 93% of those households.
And I know that those HOA officials
might not think of themselves as racists,
but 93% is a pretty solid A for racism.
That HOAs policy is now under investigation,
but the fact is, there is nothing in state or federal law
that explicitly forbids HOAs from enacting bans like this.
It's basically a segregation loophole,
which, by the way, would be a pretty good slogan for the suburbs.
And if you are thinking, Well, this all seems fucked up,
but thank God there aren't private companies making this worse!
Hold on-Ive got some bad news.
Because at this point, we should probably discuss management companies.
You see, while, as I mentioned,
all the big decision-making in HOAs is done by elected boards of homeowners,
they may not have the time or skills to do everything running an HOA entails,
or they may not want to get their hands dirty policing their neighbors.
That is why the majority of HOAs hire professional companies
to handle their day-to-day needs, under the board's direction.
Here is how one of the biggest, Associa, pitches itself.
The people who serve on our boards are volunteers,
and for most of them, they have other full-time jobs.
So, our role is to come alongside them
and help do the heavy lifting of what it takes to manage that neighborhood
that they may not have the time for or the expertise for.
Our role is really to help them achieve that vision.
Now, in theory, that sounds pretty good, doesnt it?
But in practice, it can get much messier than that.
Remember Ted, who was getting his bench taken away?
His neighborhood was run by Associa.
So, if all they want to do is help a neighborhood achieve a vision,
as long as that vision includes Ted doesn't get to sit down,
I guess, mission accomplished.
The problem is,
when you introduce for-profit companies to find problems in your neighborhood,
things can change fast.
Many of these management companies have people whose job it is
to drive around neighborhoods, looking for infractions.
If you look at that letter that Ted got regarding his bench,
you'll see that it says the infraction was noted
by the Associa Arizona Inspection Team.
And just watch as one woman explains just how quickly things snowballed
after a new management company took over her HOA.
First, the HOA told her her trash cans couldn't be visible from the street.
You have to turn your head so far over like this
to see it for the second that you are passing my house.
So, she moved them inside.
Which is very hard to get them in and out.
Then the problem was her hose.
It was, you know, all wrapped up, so it really didn't look bad.
Then it was her lawn art.
You can't have those.
Then they wanted her to power wash her house and sweep up her driveway.
But when she didn't get it done fast enough,
she got late fees on top of late fees,
$25 a day for each infraction.
These are things that are so incidental, they're not important!
They're asinine. And you're charging me $17,000?!
$17,000!
That is clearly ridiculous. I adore everything about that women
including her world-class delivery of asinine. Although, I will say,
I do think she could do a little bit better with her lawn art.
It's not $17,000 fine bad, of course not.
Its just a bit of a waste when you could have something spectacular,
like these ducks wearing boots, or these ducks made of bananas.
Your lawn is a canvas, Pat. Fill it with whatever duck art speaks to you.
The point is,
this is a system that can quickly trap people in a vicious cycle of debt.
Here-heres how it works. Let's say you fall behind on HOA payments.
You might be charged interest and have to pay additional penalties.
But that is just the beginning here
because once the management company starts pursuing payment,
they can involve lawyers, whose fees can be astronomical,
and things can get out of hand fast.
Here is the bill of just one 88-year-old homeowner in Texas.
She fell ill, and was in a nursing home,
so she missed an annual dues payment at the start of 2021, of $423.
Her HOA then started charging interest and fees for missed payments,
and just five months later, her bill was already up to $682.
But things really started escalating
when lawyers' fees started getting introduced.
Because there are a lot of them-and over the course of just two years,
she suddenly owed over $8,000,
well over half of which was lawyers' fees.
And if you're wondering why lawyers are even getting involved here,
it's because they often come in when HOAs are ready to exercise
a truly incredible power that they have over homeowners,
which this woman found out about the hard way.
There was a process server who came and knocked on my door
and served me with a foreclosure notice.
And of course, you know, I freaked out.
Miesha had fallen behind on a lot of her bills,
but she said she'd work something out with the mortgage company.
But this was the HOA, and I had no idea that an HOA could foreclose on you.
Its true. HOAs can foreclose on your home.
Which is one of those things that sounds ridiculous
but is absolutely true.
Like how there are four times as many chickens as people on Earth,
or Lenny Kravitz is Al Roker's second cousin,
or that the first song Charlie Puth ever masturbated to
was This Love by Maroon five.
That's a true fact! And I hate that I know it!
But I love that you now know it, too.
And this power gets deployed all over the country.
Colorado's HOAs alone filed more than 2,400 foreclosure cases
from January 2018 to February of last year.
And to make matters worse, those homes can then be sold at auction-
sometimes without the homeowner even realizing.
Just listen to this woman explain how-
despite desperately trying to pay her late HOA fees-
she wound up losing everything.
Walked in, paid off the 2,700. And when I walked out, I said,
This is all I owe, right? Yes.
Then here comes the next set of letters,
and now it's up to 6,400.
Turns out there were post-judgment legal fees and 18% back interest.
So, even after she'd paid more than $9,000,
she was still somehow behind on her dues.
But in 2018, she received the most shocking letter of all:
an eviction notice.
You know, its-you lose your home. That's hard.
But sadness turned to anger when she realized
the HOA had purchased her home through foreclosure
for $3.24 a year before she was evicted.
That happened!
They bought her whole house for $3.24.
And losing your home alone is horrifying,
but seeing it sold for so little is genuinely insulting.
Because $3.24 is significantly less than what it costs
to buy just one of those banana ducks.
They cost $17.98. And the reason I know that is...
I bought one. And yes, I, too, was surprised by how small it is.
But much less surprised than I was to learn that
it technically costs more than someone's entire fucking house.
Most states don't even require HOAs to offer a payment plan
before taking legal action against a homeowner.
And the reason for that is simple:
remember, HOAs are private organizations.
That means that the nation's 350,000 HOAs are largely unregulated.
And the government sees any disputes as private matters.
The Californias AGs office says that
it does not handle most homeowners associations complaints.
The Texas secretary of state says that,
No state agency regulates home or property owners' associations.
And the New York state AG says,
In most cases there is no government agency
that can help unhappy homeowners who are having problems with
their homeowners association, adding, Good luck!
Which is basically just a cute way to say, You're fucked!
It's like you're fucked washed her hair and put on a little church dress.
And if after all this you're thinking, Well, I have learned my lesson-
I'll never buy a house in an HOA,
remember over 80% of new homes that are sold, come with one.
Also, you might not know that you are dealing with a bad HOA
until it is too late. As in most places,
you aren't legally required to be granted access to all of its rules
until after your offer to buy a home is accepted.
Which seems a bit weird, doesnt it?
If your HOA can see your backyard from space,
you should probably be able to see your HOA documents before you sign.
And look, Im not saying that all HOAs should immediately be gone.
For a start, some people do like theirs. And besides, right now,
local governments just aren't equipped to suddenly take over the services like
trash collection or maintenance that they provide.
But at the very least,
states should be looking for ways to avoid the worst possible outcome
for homeowners who simply find themselves in a tough spot,
like mandating HOAs offer payment plans on unpaid debt
before they take legal action,
and banning foreclosures based solely on fines, and attorneys fees.
Because at their best,
HOAs are annoying student council adults
telling you to trim your shrubs and move your trash cans,
but at their worst they are glorified debt collectors
with the power to upend your life and expel people from a neighborhood.
And at absolute minimum, from now on,
HOAs should probably be forced to be much clearer with people
about what they are potentially getting themselves into.
Good morning, Stephanie and Chloe.
Hi, there. Welcome to Cedar Paradise.
The moment you purchased your home,
you joined our wonderful homeowners association,
whether you wanted to or not.
The HOA is here to take care of you. You give us money,
and in return, we maintain all the beauty you see around us.
And if you don't pay up, we'll turn your fucking life upside down.
So, let me show you the neighborhood!
Here at Cedar Paradise, each of our lawns requires,
somewhere on the property, one tree,
six three-gallon shrubs, one birdbath,
a garden gnome, a second gnome for that one to talk to,
a third one they ignore,
one Victorian child playing hopscotch,
and an American flag.
But no benches.
Please! No!
Eat shit, Ted!
When you join an HOA,
youre really joining a community that looks after each other.
And as your elected representative, I make sure to take a hands-on approach.
Ah, novelty mailbox.
That's a violation.
Oh, yeah. That's a violation.
Wind chimes. Gross. Three violations.
Nope. I don't care for that tree. That's a violation.
Oh, 16 in a 15.
- That's another thousand dollars, Ken! - Fuck you!
And Ken isn't the only one who appreciates everything the HOA does.
Fuck the HOA.
Fascist sons of bitches.
They found my shed by strapping a GoPro to a raccoon.
A damn raccoon.
Some white people bullshit.
Apparently, my cans are too visible when they're parked up there,
but you'd have to turn your neck like this to even see them,
and I don't know what else I'm supposed to do at this point.
- Ah! - Hey, Pam.
Cans aren't allowed to go down to the curb until 4:00 PM on trash day.
It's 3:57.
- How long have you been in there? - Pam, this is recycle only.
- I know, but- - Pam.
- I know. - You know this, Pam.
I know.
No broken glass on the driveway. That's another fine.
Are you allowed to do that?
There's nothing in the rules that says I can't.
- These rules are stupid. I don't- - What did you say?
Nothing. Nothing. Have a good day.
Bob!?
And, hey, if you fall behind on your payments, we get it.
We're not monsters.
- Oh, hello. - I'm here for the debt.
I didn't know I owed anything.
Well, we sent you a $20 fine three months ago,
and we haven't heard from you since.
Well, here. Heres 20 bucks.
Thank you, but that's not all. There's this bill now, too.
- Wait, what is this now? - I'll let our lawyer explain.
And that starts my hour.
- Wait, wait, whered you come from? - Right there. Now, you've got fees.
Late fees, late late fees, lawyer fees. That's me.
Fees for this conversation we're having right now fees,
there's a raccoon fee, there-there-
- A raccoon fee? - Yeah. A raccoon fee.
Anyway, it comes to $11,067.38.
- Hey, wait. I-I can't afford that. - Well, great news, then.
During this conversation, we foreclosed on your house.
- I just bought it! Oh. Four bucks. - Wow!
- Can you break a 20? - Wait, wait. This all feels illegal.
- Oh, that's what's so great about it. - Yeah! It's not!
- It's not illegal at all. - Its not! It's completely legal!
- I'm a lawyer! - He knows!
- I know! - You know?
- Yes! - Wait, wait. What the fuck? Yo! Hey!
Damn, yall are strong!
I never get sick of that.
- XYou want to come into my new house? - Yeah. Please.
Lets have a drink.
Yeah, let's see what he's got in the refrigerator.
- Yeah. Good call. - Oh, there's a lot of fun art.
So, welcome to the HOA. I think you're going to like it here.
And if you don't, tough nuts, you've got no other choice.
Bye!
Cedar Paradise. A family community with impossible standards
That's our show, thanks so much for watching.
Well see you next week, good night!
Guess whos eating raccoon tonight?
Delicious.
Get away from me!